Who I am and Who I Want to be – Sherez Renee Mohamed

Last time I wrote was in March, but I’ve made a promise to write more faithfully starting today. It was a rough semester. I took my PhD exams and passed (cheaaa!) defended my prospectus and passed (hell chea!), survived a semester living with my sister, and I got married! Currently I’m in Puerto Rico collecting data for my thesis, but my mind is with my husband and eager to start the next chapter of our lives in Florida (for now).

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As I prepare for this next chapter of being a wife and finishing up my doctorate degree, naturally I’ve done some major reflection on who I am and who I want to be, and the steps that I need to take to achieve my goals.

For those of you who don’t know, my name is Sherez Renee Mohamed. I am still a Mohamed and I will always be a Mohamed. I do not believe that in order to be someone’s wife, I need to take their last name. I like to believe that before and during marriage, we were already two complete pieces with history, and that my husband does not complete me, nor I him, but rather we complement each other, and we help each other to maintain our whole-ness. If you need someone else to complete you, you shouldn’t get married. Because if anything happens to your partner, then you’ll just go back to being an incomplete individual..? That’s not healthy, in my opinion. (Can you tell I’m a feminist as well, lol).

I’m the daughter of a Muslim, Arab immigrant and Black-American, Christian woman. Growing up exposed to the two religions equally, has made me someone who does not believe in religion, but rather in spirituality. Growing up in a mixed family also fostered my desire to learn about other people and cultures, and understand them.

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I consider myself to be sensitive, in the sense that other people’s pain and suffering moves me. Also in the sense that I sometimes take criticism to heart. I feel everything, probably much more deeply than normal lol, but I like that about myself.

I am a linguist according to my degree, but I think at heart I am a story teller/story hearer… if there’s such a thing. I love the aspect of my job that allows me to interview others and hear snippets of their life. It makes me feel so human.

I am a go-getter, an over-thinker, and over-planner. I don’t think it’s possible for me to change these things, and I’m not sure that I want to.

I am competitive as F**K! Sometimes it can be a fault, as I have a habit of comparing my success to the success of others, and letting the success of others in comparison to things that I’ve done, dictate whether I’m successful or not. Does that make sense? Hope so. But I’d really love to become someone who’s a bit more proud of the things I’ve done, and who sees the success of others as simply the success of others.

I am a giver. I thrive off of giving and helping others, even when they aren’t deserving. It makes me feel whole and human when I help someone else, and feeling the gratitude from their hearts. Knowing that I’ve aided in the happiness of someone else really means a lot to me. Now, I need to learn to make others happy, but not at my own expense. Still have a waysss to go.

I am impatient, especially with those closest to me. In my warped way of thinking, I assume that the people close to me should understand what I want/need much faster than a stranger. And that is simply just not fair.

I love silence and solitude. When I wake up in the morning, I love just laying in my bed and enjoying silence and stillness. My least favorite time of conversation is the morning… and I’m a morning person, fíjate LOL. I hate talking just to talk at any point of the day. I enjoy good conversation and being around people who can teach me something new. I HATE being around people who need to talk just to talk, and who cannot handle silence. Silence should not always be interpreted as a problem…in my opinion.

lee mas.jpgI was once a lover of books. Nothing transports you to another world like a book does. But now, thanks to graduate school and the excessive amounts of articles that I have to read, I am a lover of netflix hahaha. Sue me.

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Street Art with a message “Focus”

I love traveling and experiencing new experiences lol. When I’m traveling, I feel happiest attempting to live like a local and being immersed in an entirely new setting. Some people shrink in these experiences, but I thrive. After every trip I take, I always feel that I’ve evolved, even if it’s just a tiny bit. But that’s the goal, isn’t it?

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I LOVE food and fancy coffee. No elaboration needed.

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Yes, that’s green coffee

Lastly, I am passioned…. Can I say that? What I mean is that I am passionate about 99.9% of things that I do. I am passionate about social issues such as inequality and injustices committed against other human beings simply for the color of their skin, their gender identity, their age, their socioeconomic status, etc. World/human issues really affect me. I don’t know if that’s bad or good. But many of my days contain a period of great sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness due to many of the things going on in our society today. Knowing that these things won’t change because it’s not me who needs to change, but others with warped ideology that has been passed down, and will continue to be passed down for generations. How do you fight an ideological war? I don’t think that’s worked out for anyone in the history of humanity. But maybe, hopefully I’m wrong. I think this is part of the reason why I am a promoter of diversity and bending the norms of society. Maybe if those living in their bubble with other who are as closed minded as them, are forced to see things they don’t like, they’ll eventually start to like it….. The same happens with Justin Beiber songs, right?

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Diversity fashion show in Tallahassee, FL

 

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Collab with Afros in San Juan, a blog dedicated to showcasing Afro-Caribbeans

So here you have it. A brief look into the complexity of who I am as a person. How do you define yourself?

Or do you let others define you?

Do you know who you are?

 

As always, sharing never hurt nobody ❤

SM

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